I was thinking recently, many women today are facing choices that their mothers never had to face. One of these choices is whether or not to go back to work after having a child. This was practically unheard of in the 1950's. In the 1990's it is not whether the mother will or will not go back to work rather a question of when. When did the choice become set in stone? Why do the mothers of today have to work outside the home versus working in the home, much like their mothers did? When one thinks of the subject of working mothers, many differing opinions come to mind. What will happen to the child, will the mother have sufficient time to bond with the baby, and how will household chores be divided, and so on.
I think the thing is that many women today want and desire careers and a place in this world. They want to stand on their own two feet, to become a self-sustaining individual, free of dependence on another individual. However, when the mother considers the idea of working and raising a family, many things need to be considered. The responsibilities need to be divided evenly if there is a significant other living in the same house to alleviate the stress that will evolve due to all the changes. It seems that for the working mothers, understanding is first and foremost needed in order for the psychological well being to be maintained. They need to feel that their work is important, and necessary, and that they are not sacrificing their child's well being in order to benefit themselves. The danger involved is that the mothers could feel so guilty in working that they feel that they are abandoning their child to the caregivers that they are in contact with daily. I think the working mothers need a support system in order to survive the roller coaster involved when they go back to work. And I wonder, if all these factors are taken into consideration will the transition to working mom will be that much easier for the entire family? And will the child suffer?
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6 comments:
Shonte,
What you discuss is the issue that women will continue to face. Its definitely not easy to leave your children and especially when you have to go off to work. The choices that need to be made to fit the evolving model of the new woman (the one who does it all) are difficult. And even more importantly are those sacrifices worth it? Is it worth a not bonding with your baby to attain a career goal? Is it worth sacrificing time with your family? I think these are all individual questions/choices that we all need to make. For me it was never worth leaving my children for a career. I put that on hold until they were out the door. But..that is my choice. Someone may feel differently. I think in the end what we need to do as a society is examine why we require those choices. Can't we allow a woman to be a mother and professinal? Can't we allow her to spend time with her family once a week? Do we also allow fathers the same privlage?
Shonte,
I totally agree with what your saying. Our world has definitely changed in such a drastic way from the past. Many times now a days a mother has no choice but to go out and work to help raise her family. Things are so much more expensive. I personally would love to stay home and raise my son on a daily basis. But I know that is impossible and I need to work and I have to send him to daycare to do so. If women do choose to go back to work I also do not think they should catch any slack from their employers. They have no say in it. They should not assume their career will suffer if they have a family as well.
You are right the number of women who work outside there home and have children is increasing. Mothers today, have either to work outside of home for financial support or to be equals with men. Today, most men and women work outside their home, few people can afford nannies or maids. In this case, the responsibility of taking care of the home and family are not easily met .so the mother is the one who have to sacrificed her job and take care of her home in this case the women career have to suffer more than the men do. Some women do not want to quite work and stay home to raise their children which is their choice but when I had my children, it was my decision to stay home with them the first two years. However, the problem I face it is I could not find a job right a way .but for me it is worth it to be with my child. In addition, if I stay at work I will feel so guilty that I am banding my child. The rate of women that have to work is increasing because of the increasing rates of divorce, causing mothers/women to have to go to work in order to support themselves or their child. Even so, many women go to work even if they are married because some households need two incomes in order to support their families.
Shonte ~
Great post! It is interesting to think of a time when women were housewives and mothers who stayed at home. The time in which you reference, the 1950s and 1960s came just after World War II when our economy was booming and life in the United States was at its peak. Men returned from the war and jobs were plentiful because of big industry. And even at that time, there were women who worked in the factories who maintained their jobs even after the men came home from the war. I think that the cost of living then was cheaper and the pay was better and because of the two being so far apart, it was easier for the wife to stay home and take care of the kids. Today, everything is so expensive. I know it's all relative, but it really is expensive today. We don't see as many women staying home to raise a family because it is difficult to do on one persons salary. Consider the rising cost of gas, that alone will become a serious issue if something doesn't change soon. So if you think about, if one person is working and as an example, they make $60,000 and 4 people are living off of that. That's not a great amount of money for 4 people, a mortgage, possibly 1 or 2 car payments and numerous other bills plus groceries and gas. It seems impossible these days. You made an excellent point and it's a shame that life today is not like it was in the 50s and 60s when women could stay home and take care of the family without struggling.
OMG…I just typed a whole response to you and then I lost my signal (wireless) after I hit submit and lost it all!!! Here I go again…
I resigned from my job in 1992 when I had my older daughter Lauren and stayed home until she was 3. I received my associate’s degree during this time, and then was totally shocked when I went back into the workforce. I didn’t expect that telling prospective employers you were just home for 3 years with your child was taboo! They would just look at me like—“Oh great, and since you look like you have a few years of breeding left in you, I guess you’ll quit on me when you have the next one!” Well little did they know, that I was intent on divorcing Lauren’s dad as soon as I could support myself thanks to the pent up resentment I acquired while staying home with her. My mantra was “one down, none to go.” I swore I would never put myself in the position of being totally dependent on a man, nor would I allow myself or my daughter be trapped by financial issues. I went on to become very successful in a male-dominated industry (electronic manufacturing) and wanted my daughter to see that being responsible and not totally dependent were good qualities.
I met my current husband Jeff at work. Though we were at the same company for a few years, we didn’t date until actually two years after I left the company. The point is—he saw me as an equal, a partner, not a “potential mate” or “sex object”. He saw how I worked-- my ethics, my character, how I related to people and treated my staff. This was a great foundation for a relationship. However, now that I am staying home with Kai, (I resigned in 2006 and am going to school for my bachelor’s and teaching certification while I’m not “working”), I am trying to ward off the resentment I had when I stayed home with Lauren. It’s really tough. I guess there are still many things I need to learn about myself because I’m having a hard time. I’m glad I’m home with Kai—don’t misunderstand. She’s smart and healthy and happy and it’s what I wanted for all of us. But you mention the psychological well-being and I know firsthand that if things aren’t right, psychological issues become chronic physical illness. Also, you mentioned having a support system, which I do not. My immediate family is all in Florida and my best friend is an hour away in central jersey and due to her 3rd divorce and current recovery from alcohol addiction, she isn’t exactly available. And since Lauren is at her dad’s half of the time, I don’t have the built-in baby sitter everyone thinks I do. In fact, Kai is at my side unless I’m paying someone $10 an hour—Jeff travels a lot—and this includes the time I spend in class (as if tuition weren’t enough, I get to shell out $40 every night I’m on campus.) There are times I feel like a “single mom”. I know that doesn’t give enough credit to the women who truly are, but that’s what I call myself when I’m feeling alone and no one is there to lend a hand. In time I’ll be back at work and Kai will be in school. Until then it’s hard not contributing to our household income with a “paycheck”, yet I’m so exhausted because I’m “working” all of the time. Just gotta keep that resentment from creeping in…I’d hate to think I need to hire another divorce lawyer in one lifetime!
I think that most women either want to work and/or financially have to go back to work. I think the great thing about 2000's is that women have choices like never before.
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